WHEN MAN ENTERS WOMAN by Anne Sexton

Any man quoting a poem by Anne Sexton is probably on shaky ground.  You think you know what she is talking about, but there is an uneasy feeling that you are missing the point entirely and it only remains for some woman to point that out to you.  That being said, I still feel that Sexton speaks to me from time to time.  She once wrote "This loneliness is just an exile from God."  My entire personal theology could be summed up in that one line (the key? 'only').  So I am going to give this a go.  I think I have her point in this poem.   If not, there is a legion ready to correct me.  This poem is from The Awful Rowing Toward God (1975), a book that was a gift and a curse and has haunted me for decades.

When man
enters woman,
like the surf biting the shore,
again and again,
and the woman opens her mouth in pleasure
and her teeth gleam
like the alphabet,
Logos appears milking a star,
and the man
inside of woman
ties a knot
so that they will
never again be separate
and the woman 
climbs into a flower
and swallows its stem
and Logos appears
and unleashes their rivers.

This man,
this woman
with their double hunger,
have tried to reach through
the curtain of God
and briefly they have,
though God
in His perversity
unties the knot.


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Last Day of Indian Summer

Monday October 22, 1979

Dearest Child,

It is 12:50 now and we know that you have died in the womb.  Why or how, we cannot say.

Where was God?
dancing in your heart
my little unborn babe,
my little wave.

Now Dawn and I must birth your dead body out.  This is a testing time for us, and would have been for you as well, but you are dead.

Such a simple thing - death.  For one like yourself, warm and hidden in Dawn's womb I am sure it was an easy death, a happy death.  But Dead you are, and we . . . we must bear the pain.

1/3/80

Morgan

Tonight I found your picture

neatly folded, hidden in my wallet.

I remember that light filled Summer day

alive with the sound of crickets in the new-mown hay.

In the cool darkness of the hospital room they 

attached the equipment to Dawn's belly and 

opened a window on your place.

We watched you wriggle your toes with 

the careless abandon of a child.

Tiny elfling in your mama's belly

floating, gurgling in an amniotic world.

(The picture shows you smiling, I swear,

through your fluid playground.)

Strange isn't it? In a single moment I

saw your birth, your first steps, splashing baths,

fearful first days of school, dates, love, education,

beauty, work - in your wiggling toes I witnessed

the entirety of your existence.

II

The night before you died

Dawn and I lay like spoons

and I felt your nudging insistence

against my arm as I enfolded you both.

You still strove toward the light

toward freedom from your fluid world.

(Hadn't you listened to your mother

weeping in the darkness, whispering for you

to stay inside . . . where love was as real

as the blood that passed between you?)

III

As you crouched dying , slipping away

in silence, aware only of your mother's heartbeat

quietly booming in your ears,

What did you recall?

Did you hear again my muffled voice

call to you through Dawn's belly?

Purring cats kneading their paws against you?

Car rides with the sound of laughing friends?

The pull of the tide on your fluid world

when Dawn and I walked beside the sea?

In the brief span of your life

what treasures lay in the halls of your mind?

What primal impulses quicken your breast?

What did you dream as you crouched, dying?

IV

In the warm fluid darkness of the womb

what is death like?

How differs the fetal sleep from that of the dead?

Did you die in your sleep as we lay sleeping?

Death knows only questions - never answers, never answers.

When you were born you were as warm as life.

You lacked nothing save a little breath,

save God's anointing spirit.

Was death easy for you?  Letting go so painless?

I wondered how long your spirit lingered.

Did you stay by to ease our pain?

V

I recall when I was very young my

grandmother bathing me, choosing clothes

for me to wear, laying me on the kitchen

table of the farm house which haunts my dreams 

even now.

My Grandmother, my Nana, 

who herself once bore a girlchild with dark hair 

and round cheeks like your own.

Into her hands I commend your infant spirit

for safe keeping until I myself can come 

to you and hold you 

again

to my heart.

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The maze of mind unravels where we act

Religion and Faith are complex for me.  At one time, I thought that I might be able to deliver a message of hope and salvation in the role of a pastor.  But I think I always knew that my own path would not be a path that others ought to follow.  I was more spiritual than religious and ultimately more carnal than spiritual.  This book, The Saviors of God shaped and changed my way of looking at myself and my spiritual journey. When Kazantzakis wrote in the chapter First Step, the Ego, " I am not good, I am not innocent, I am not serene. My happiness and unhappiness are both unbearable; I am full of inarticulate voices and darknesses; I wallow, all blood and tears, in this warm trough of my flesh." , I knew I had found a voice who knew me. I am not an ascetic, as Kazantzakis strove to be,  but his insights have inspired me.  They also inspired this poem.  In my handwritten notes are two quotes from The Saviors of God, although they are not quoted in the final typewritten version of the poem.  Nor does the poem have a title or date.

"The ultimate most holy form of theory is action" p.99

"It is not God who will save us - it is we who will save God, by battling, by creating, and by transmuting matter into spirit." p. 106 

I also have a note of my own: "To fear and in that fear to weep for God for hope for love. Death"


The maze of mind unravels where we act,
Pursue our thoughts to logic's ending place,
Where dreams like mist drift off the cliff of fact;


Where theory arms us, praxis sets the pace.
To act can answer queries of the heart;
To win the prize we must endure the race.


The die is cast when we decide to start,
Bolt out from logic, theory's starting block
To merge with racers who seek their part,


Like you, to act to break in God's deadlock.
God runs, He falls, we carry on to make
A place for God where with us he may walk.


The road of action God commands we take
So He we save in our warm body's meat.
We burn an arc across the sky for sake
of God's salvation . . . and our moment, fleet.