October 10, '79
Dear Boy-Child
Today Dawn and I began to try to find a name for you. So far we have yet to come together on anything. so you remain the "wee baabie". But know that we are working hard.Yesterday we calculated that you had come full term. Now it is up to you to leap out of the womb. Surely that must be a frightening thing, but it will be the first strong act of your life and we are all here struggling to catch you as we ourselves fall (that is a pun on Heidegger which I hope you will one day understand, if not today).
Dawn and I are very happy now, much more than when you were conceived. Those were dark times, times of desperate running, of searching for the love promised before in August. I think now we have learned to find a balance between space and together, or at least we are more sensitive, more tolerant of the other's ways.
But all of this you know, you eavesdropper on our every conversation. More, you know the silent thoughts of your mother that even I do not. If you are indeed a boy-child I hope you always keep that bond for I have and it is a good thing. Speaking of bonds, this too you must know, in my mother's family, from her mother and her mother's mother has come the gift - reading cards, premonitions, "seeing". I feel a sense of it in myself. Perhaps you too will share in this family gift. The stars are right for it.
(I wish I could explain the Heidegger reference today.) I do remember my Nana telling fortunes with ordinary playing cards. My mother has always been interested in astrology and I have been interested in the Tarot and its relationship to the unconscious.
Nothing prepared me, however, for the changes about to happen; changes what would effect my life to this day. For now, let's just leave the image I had when I wrote this, of a brave little child preparing to face the world. Unimagined, time was slowly ticking away and the hourglass was nearly empty.
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